Meet Dr. Boundaries...
Hey there!
I am Dr. Rebecca Gras, a psychologist with over 19 years of clinical experience. I am also a business owner, clinical supervisor, and a Boundary Bender in recovery.
Holding others' experiences became my way of holding myself.
Since small talk is not really my thing, let’s jump right in…
From a young age, I possessed the ability to feel deeply with and for others. I paid close attention to the moods, feelings, and needs of those I shared relationships with. I could deeply sense someone's pain and discomfort--I could feel it in my own body. I prioritized helping people in my life so that they could feel known, cared for, and understood. Their emotional stability felt like my responsibility, and it seemed critical for my own survival. Empathic attunement and compassionate holding became essential components of my childhood survival toolkit.
With continued practice, my ability to meet people in emotionally intense places and hold their most vulnerable parts of themselves also became a source of identity for me. Becoming a psychologist felt like a natural career choice.
I was locked into the role of holder.
Self De-Centered
I had connections that seemed authentic and close with people who I knew needed me in their lives. That sense of being needed offered me a security in my relationships that I deeply longed for. My empathic self found a role in connections that felt natural to me. So, all good, right?
Well... good but not sustainable. One of the mechanisms that allowed me to maintain my connections utilized a guilt-based system for making decisions. When faced with a choice, I only considered how the other person might feel or what they might experience. I feared disappointing people and the possibility of leaving them with a sense of feeling unloved or uncared for.
As a result, I often felt exhausted, overextended, and under-supported. Resentment would occasionally creep in as I wondered why those who loved me seemed unaware of how to show up for me.
I trained people in my life to expect that I would ALWAYS show up. I taught them not to consider me or my emotional needs.
The Shake-Up...
In 2022 I experienced a significant injury that dramatically shook me and shifted my perspective. For the first time in my life, I faced a real, unmovable limit on my energy and abilities. I was physically and emotionally unavailable to prop up the people I loved.
I began the painful and vulnerable process of honestly evaluating the patterns I had established and assessing the impact of constantly centering others. I realized that, in doing so, I was regularly abandoning my self.
I also came to see that I was constantly working from a belief that my relationships were fragile.
Something major needed to shift...
A new RELATIONAL BOUNDARY SYSTEM grounded in SELF was born!
I consider my own feelings, needs, and values before considering those of others.
I respond thoughtfully rather than reactively, which has been transformative!
I don't abandon myself in order to maintain my relationships. Instead, my needs and self get to take up space!
Creating space for my SELF opened up opportunities for EXPANSION and GROWTH.
My business has grown & expanded! My income has increased exponentially!
My friendships & relationships feel more authentic. I no longer show up out of guilt; I show up when my energy allows & when it aligns with my values.
My energy is now channeled in ways that better honor my needs and feelings, leaving me feeling invigorated . I am less drained and exhausted!